Today, October 24th, is my big brother Chris’ birthday, he would have been sixty five years old today. I wrote this short memoir in 2017, it was published at Reedsy.com in February of 2020. In celebration of this wonderful man who swirled up to the heavens in July of 2010, here is “A Secret Fear”:
My late brother Chris and I were having a conversation one of those many times at the end of the day when he needed a toke. I would light up the joint, hold it to his lips, then pull it away after he inhaled. He would hold onto the smoke for a minute, exhale, then take a second, then a third. I’d puff on it sometimes, but home was twenty to forty minutes away by car. He lived up in the Oakland Hills, and I had to get back to San Francisco. Nowadays, you can count on an hour or more in travel time anytime you have to cross the Bay…..https://blog.reedsy.com/short-story/up2ygh/
CGTrippWriter 
catherine i love you, the honesty u display at times is so brutal and i love it. i was right there wit you guys and i love you for it. he was a very good buddy,
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I didn’t know that family history. Can you email me a copy of that story? I would like to have it.
I loved your brother, the times I got to visit with him in the Hills were some of my favorite childhood memories. He had a wonderful sense of humor and was very kind.
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Emojis are for those of us who are at a loss for words yet deeply moved. Thank you for sharing this.
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Thank you for sharing such a precious and devastating part of your self. I’m sure your brother approves of your ‘high’ esteem of him.
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Your writing brings me to the edge, makes me sit up on my chair and pay attention. Yes, your honesty can be brutal, but it is quite refreshing. I love it!
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Oh, I had such a crush on Chris. I was too shy to ever talk much, so even though I knew him, I really didn’t get to know him. Thank you for sharing this story. I know people who are afraid of their own anger (including me) and we all try so hard. I finally found my anger expression that does not hurt others. I picture myself as a dragon, breathing fire in the sky; and I purse my lips tightly together and blow fiercely. It’s amazing how that helps my body release the harmful biochemistry of anger.
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What a lovely sentiment, Vivian. Dragons are like, my spirit animal, I shall indeed try your suggestion.
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Wow. Quite a story !
I learned a lot about you
and your family. There’s
A lot more stories to tell.
Imma gonna read the others
You’re a strong lady.
Thanx
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I have an old plaque with the following inscription “Pain Medication: Take one shot of whiskey every 15 minutes until no pain is felt.” I had a neighbor when I was a child who also had served in both wars. He was a dentist before the first world war and built his house with his own 2 hands. He was wounded in WWI but enlisted in WWII when his son was drafted. He thought they could be in the same unit and he could look out for him. His son spent most of his time in the brig in the US, never saw action. Dad went to Europe and was wounded again. When I knew him he was in a wheelchair and had little use of his hands, and could barely speak. The irony of life.
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